Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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