Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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