I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
