9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
