All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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