I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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