Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
