I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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