Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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