grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
