Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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