K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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