My cat gives me a boner
Too much gin, very little bucket
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
