I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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