somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
