Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
