You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
