Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
