does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
