I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Mom said you looked used
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
