im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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