Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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