I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
