so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
