apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
