Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
