You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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