Jerry, you need to find god
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
