He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
