I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
