you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
