The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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