I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
