You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The best revenge is premature balding
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
