it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
