my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
