Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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