I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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