She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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