The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
