yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
