I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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