i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
