He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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