oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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