I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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