I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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