Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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