Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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