Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
