you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize