my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I love having hate sex.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
