Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
