so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
