I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
