I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
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