Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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