So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
