Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
