I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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