i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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