the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
