just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
